Note: was to be published yesterday night but due to my current temperory situation of unavailability of resources, I couldnt do it, and this post effectively puts through my condition last night...nevertheless let me enjoi!!!
I am absolutely drunk and drunk on two NILES, thats the worst way to get drunk. Its a monumental time for me. Its actually fucking cool and mindboggling to have a first, its the first time ya mind me first time someone has rejected my phonecall, but again there always has to be a first to everything. And as I said in a previous entry, I dont bloody care if anyone reads this entry or not, its for me and only me. I just live for myself, the egoistic, self centric me is back to the fore, anyone likes it or not. I wont say that its the first time I fell for someone but I would perfectly say that its the first time I seriously thought that I could be spending a life wid someone. Well my thoughts are blabbering as I m absolutely drunk, but then its time to rejoice also as I had the most perfect statement of rejection.
At least now the mind doesnt waver back to the same distraction again and again. Atleast the bloody heart doesnt go back to the same heart as yesterday. I aleast got a bloody answer to my years of contemplation, misendeavours, misunderstandings and misthoughts (years wud be bit of a overstatement, but who care, i dont!!).
As I wrote earlier, I cant publish this post, coz I m a living hell, I dont have a home of my own, I m living in a paying guest accom, which absolutely sucks, but then who cares, I dont, do you!!!, but then its good actually, it will allow me to save some more pennies which I could safely utilize towards my dream house and the EGYPT trip. I m damn going on that trip and cruise that accompanies it. Whatever the bloody cost is!! and m also going to get married in that dream house, again whatever the bloody cost is gonna be!!!
I will check this notes 2 years down the line and no doubt will cherish what I did and wrote today. Falling in love isnt a crime right? Its a perfectly beautiful thing to do . A very enriching experience, but what's bad is letting it turn into an obsession. Thinking what the world would think about it. I perfectly adore my sister for what she did. She bloody married a person of her choice from a different community and background and I would surely salute her for that and will do it all my life. Why did I get her guts, bloody me. But then, I take solace thinking that whatever happens, will happen for good, as good as gold or even better as diamond.
As one of my closest friend said, "I dont regret what I did, I just regret that I dont have any control over what others do or did." Absolutely loved it throughout. A perfect statement to end a blog I have been longing to write..
m cheering now
cheers
santosh
