Confused and Frustrated Me in INDIA

I write to vent out my frustration. Yes, I am frustrated with life, with myself, my adopted world, my original world, my surroundings, I am actually frustrated with absolutely everything. I write to vent out this feelings. O Reader, I didnt actually intend you to read this but then I have to be myself & I need to write. It gives me satisfaction, a satisfaction which I have not got anywhere else, not in the hard drinks I have taken, nor in the drums of beer I have consumed (before I stopped drinking) & probably will not get in any other activity (may be note even in a sexual relationship, but thats too early to comment becoz I m yet to experiene one :-D).

Anyways I returned to India after a gap of almost 2 yrs and was delighted to see my parents, relatives etc., but then I missed out my dozens of friends who seem to have left Ahmedabad and suddenly I m also feeling hollowed out and a stranger in a land which was proudly branded once as my Janmabhoomi and Karmabhoomi (hard words :D)and hence the delight seems to have been ended there itself.

Three major things had been planned for this trip of mine. Mcom exams, a house in Kerala and a non-disclosable third one, which was more of a personal stuff only confined to me.

Mcom exam preps have started but the pace is slow and it will be ending pretty soon coz the exams are less than a week away. The house building has been left upto my parents coz they are the ones who will be living there as for me I would certainly like to live the life of a roaming clown. The third one, till this time I seem to be failing in that task as far as I have been seeking it. But then I am very confused and dazed when it comes to that and feel as if I m searching something in this maze of life. Nevertheless, the third part had to be one of the important things, so the failure or success of it is set to mould much of me in my coming days.

But I m feeling much better after blurting out all that to my blog, thats what I mentioned earlier, the pleasure and satisfaction.

O ya tomorrow is Vishu, new year of Malayalees worldwide.

So WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY VISHU.

santos